My Nana is in hospital with pneumonia.

At least they're not asking for the women to shave or wax lol

A police binge drinking campaign has warned woman "intent on getting ratted" to make sure they were "wearing nice pants" in case they collapse.

The advice from Suffolk Police is contained in a free, hard-hitting but tongue-in-cheek magazine, Safe!, which aims to get through to young women.

It warns that alcohol could leave women looking like "wrinkly old prunes".

The Suzy Lamplugh Trust described the language as "bizarre" but said the police campaign should be applauded.

Officers said they were adopting an editorial style which they hoped would appeal to women in their late teens.

'Tongue-in-cheek style'

"There have been a number of attacks on women who have been drinking and there is a serious safety message to get across," said a police spokeswoman.

"We've written this is a gossipy, tongue-in-cheek style in the hope that young women will pick it up and read it and take notice."

The magazine includes an article next to a photograph of a scantily clad woman collapsed on the floor.

"For those of you intent on getting ratted this weekend, think," says the article.

"If you fall over or pass out, remember your skirt or dress may ride up."

'Minger to Fit' tour

It adds: "You could show off more than you intended - for all our sakes, please make sure you're wearing nice pants.

"Better still, eat before you go out, think about how much you're drinking, pace yourself and drink plenty of water in between bevies or better still, don't get in this sorry state - it's not nice."

There is also a spoof announcement from the band "Wastelife" giving details of a forthcoming "Minger to Fit" tour.

A spokeswoman for the Suzy Lamplugh Trust said: "The language is bizarre. I've never seen anything like it before from the police. But they have a point.

"It's no good simply telling young women not to drink. You have to get their attention. You have to applaud the police for trying.

"There's no doubt that there is a serious issue in terms of young women putting themselves at risk when they're drunk. Binge drinking among young women is increasing."

Ho Ho

A truck driver was driving a large truck on a Auckland motorway. Over the motorway were a number of bridges, each of them have signs stating what the maximum height of vehicle is that will fit under them. The truck driver was singing along to the radio and wasn't really paying attention to the signs when he came across a particularly low bridge. His truck got stuck, traffic started to bank up behind him. Before to long a motorway cop arrived, he got out of his car and walked over to where the truck driver was standing. The cop put his hands on his hips and shook his head and said "So, you got stuck then". "No, I was transporting this bridge and I ran out of bloody gas" the truck driver answered.

Wake up, Jeff!!

Today I was browsing myspace sites and was amused at the amount of males who will add a chick with a pretty picture without questioning who she is and why she's adding them. There's a lot of fake profiles out there which asks viewers to view their 'photo archives' or similar. When you look at the link, the photo archives turns out to be a pay webcam site, sex site or something similar.

What really makes me laugh is when I see a person with almost almost all of his or her friend's list being these bots or whatever you want to call them. Way to go dude! I can SEE which head is doing the thinking there!

An Example

Do I REALLY wanna do this??

YUCK!!!!

The women's dictionary!

Argument (ar*gyou*ment) n. A discussion that occurs when you're right, but he just hasn't realized it yet.

Airhead (er*hed) n. What a woman intentionally becomes when pulled over by a policeman.

Bar-be-que (bar*bi*q) n. You bought the groceries, washed the lettuce, chopped the tomatoes, diced the onions, marinated the meat and cleaned everything up, but, he, "made the dinner."

Blonde jokes (blond joks) n. Jokes that are short so men can understand them.

Cantaloupe (kant*e*lope) n. Gotta get married in a church.

Clothes dryer (kloze dri*yer) n. An appliance designed to eat socks.

Diet Soda (dy*it so*da) n. A drink you buy at a convenience store to go with a half pound bag of peanut M&Ms.

Eternity (e*ter*ni*tee) n. The last two minutes of a football game.

Exercise (ex*er*siz) v. To walk up and down a mall, occasionally resting to make a purchase.

Grocery List (grow*ser*ee list) n. What you spend half an hour writing, then forget to take with you to the store.

Hair Dresser (hare dres*er) n. Someone who is able to create a style you will never be able to duplicate again. See "Magician."

Hardware Store (hard*war stor) n. Similar to a black hole in space-if he goes in, he isn't coming out anytime soon.

Childbirth (child*brth) n. You get to go through 36 hours of contractions; he gets to hold your hand and say "focus,...breath...push..."

Lipstick (lip*stik) n. On your lips, coloring to enhance the beauty of your mouth. On his collar, coloring only a tramp would wear...!

Park (park) v./n. Before children, a verb meaning, "to go somewhere and neck." After children, a noun meaning a place with a swing set and slide.

Patience (pa*shens) n. The most important ingredient for dating, marriage and children. See also "tranquilizers."

Waterproof Mascara (wah*tr*pruf mas*kar*ah) n. Comes off if you cry, shower, or swim, but will not come off if you try to remove it.

Valentine's Day (val*en*tinez dae) n. A day when you have dreams of a candlelight dinner, diamonds, and romance, but consider yourself lucky to get a card

The Internet is for Porn?

Funny ass video

Should I avoid flying?

I had two really vivid dreams the night before last. The first one involved me visiting my friend Suzanne and her family. We went outside because we heard a large plane fly overhead really low. We watched it as it flew towards the airport and then did some really tight circles. It then flew back over us and crashed on its side into the estuary near her house. I remember the noise, it was really loud. We went to help. It was lying on its side half covered with sand, cracked in half. We had to wait around for someone. While we were standing there a smaller plane crashed nearby. That one wasn't so bad. I could smell the burning fuel smell. Next thing we were in the cockpit of the first plane. Nicole was with me, and so were a couple of other people. We looked out the front windows of the plane and could see the wreck of a third plane nearby and a burnt out helicopter. We were in the cockpit when a crane lifted the front of the plane onto a truck. Then I woke up.

I was awake for a little bit, then drifted off again. This time we were at the airport in a hanger. There were lots of people and four of us were to try this new mini plane thing. We were in harnesses at the top. The pilot was beneath us and the propellers were either side in front of us. We flew out of the hanger and I was afraid we were going to hit the top of the door, but we didn't. We then flew around the top of the Mount and Matakana Island. Before landing on a beach.

Weird weird dreams. Especially since I remember them both so clearly.

You scored as Mysterious. You wish to hide who you are from all those around you. You find it very hard to trust people. You also may enjoy the fun that comes from playing mind games with others around you.My advice Get out there and reveal the true you if only to one person! Mysterious 83% Passion 75% Eyes full of Pain 58% Diamond Eyes 42% What do your eyes reveal about you?(PICS!) created with QuizFarm.com

Happy 39th Birthday, Vin Diesel!

Nicole and Shane...aren't they the cutest!

I KNOW what YOU'RE watching!

American invasion.

I'm so tired! The past two weeks have been school holidays here. Nicole has been spoilt and circumstances has granted her 5 weeks holidays. This week Nicole and my friend's two daughter's Abbey and Jaimee have participated in a morning school holiday program. Its been run by a group of 22 American adults and teenagers from California who are out here for two weeks. They were based at one of the local churches, just up the road from me.

I've been attending with the girls and helping out a bit. The program was really well run. They did singing, played games, were read stories, watched puppet shows, did crafts, and thoroughly enjoyed the attention from the teenagers with the strange accents. Jaimee in particular was totally enamored with a girl of about 15 with long blonde hair, barbie doll looks and an identical twin sister. When asked why she liked this particular girl her answer was... she helped me a lot with my crafts.

The Americans brought a lot of their supplies (and heaps of treats for the kids) with them. Alot of it isn't available here. I found the stuff that they came out with rather interesting...

Huge Pep-O-Mint flavored Lifesavers.
They smelt like a rugby changing room on match day. And tasted much the same. Deep Heat flavored lollies....I'll pass.



Yellow Fish shaped Crackers.



Reese's Peanut Butter Cups.
Chocolate filled with peanut butter. Yuck lol



They also had dry macaroni noodles in a box instead of a bag. And they were very short compared to what we normally get, and not curved. They also gave each child a bag with torches, stickers, lollies, bubbles, elastic bracelets and a lanyard in it. Pretty spoilt.

I don't want to be here.

I was given a ring! No, not that kind of ring. I'm not ready for that. This is a amethyst ring set in silver. Its in the shape of a heart. I adore it. Its so pretty.

For those who don't know, I've been in Melbourne for the past few weeks. Amongst the other things that have occupied my time I've watched a shit load of DVDs. Here are my thoughts on some of them:
Sin City: I didn't like it at all. I found it one weird ass, fucked up movie. It also had way, way too much blood and gore in it for my liking. I spent half of the movie hiding under the blanket.

Pirates of the Caribbean: I thoroughly enjoyed this movie. Johnny Depp was hilarious as a very camp pirate. I can't wait to the next one of these movies.

Viva La Bam - Seasons One and Two: I thought these were pretty funny. Though the episode with the Uncle with the missing toenail made me almost vomit and have to leave the room. That was just sick.

Napoleon Dynamite: I think this wins the prize for the most pointless movie I've watched this year. I totally enjoyed it though. Very 80s. Incredibly funny, almost to the point of nearly wetting myself in places.

As well as watching way too much tv, we did a bit of visiting. I got to meet my friend's 6 month old son Shane for the first time. He's adorable. He looks very much like his Dad. I have a cute picture of Shane being held by my daughter Nicole. I'll post it here if my friend Anne okays it. Nicole generally won't hold babies. But she was really keen to cuddle with Shane.

We also went to a Science Museum and Planetarium. It was really interesting, though way too busy. Damn the school holidays! We discovered that Nicole's grip strength is 4kg, mine is 25kg and my Hunni's is 52kg. We spent a bit of time in an exhibit where you have to go from station to station investigating clues and using surveillance equipment to solve a crime. Unfortunately we ran out of time and didn't figure out the answer.

The Planetarium was cool too. We sat in these chairs that reclined back to an almost lying down position and look at the show projected onto the dome ceiling. I fell asleep part way though it. It was nice to feel so relaxed lol.

We went to a couple of absolutely massive shopping centres too. Southlands is two stories across a main highway!! Chadstone (I kept getting told off for pronouncing it Chad-Stone, when apparently its pronounced Chadston by the locals) is one of the largest malls in the Southern Hemisphere!!

So anyways, connections were strengthened. I feel a time for change is drawing near. Its going to mean a major upheaval for all concerned. But as my good friend Sandy said today...Life is too short to spend it waiting.

Your Blogging Type is Pensive and Philosophical

You blog like no one else is reading... You tend to use your blog to explore ideas - often in long winded prose. Easy going and flexible, you tend to befriend other bloggers easily. But if they disagree with once too much, you'll pull them from your blogroll!

What's Your Blogging Personality?